i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
