I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need a beard to bite.
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