is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
