Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
