It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
