Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
