Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
