R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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