How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
