Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
