Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
