so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
