Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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