He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
