Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
