I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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