Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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