Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
ttyl tear gas
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
