Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
