FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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