Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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