Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
