My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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