Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
