My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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