I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
