When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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