Umm I'm too high to move.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
