the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
