the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
