No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
