what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
