saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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