You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
