very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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