So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
