I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
