I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
