i think my tv is drunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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