I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Randomize
