Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
