After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
