I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
