he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
