you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
