why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
