He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think i got beer on your cat.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
