it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
