So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
