Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
